Hey Everyone! Thank you for all the prayers and well-wishes! I am deeply humbled to know you all and call you my friends and family! I am sorry I haven't responded to all the Facebook comments/messages, blog comments, and voicemails, I have read and heard them all.
I am also incredibly blessed by the grace that Jesus has extended to me—his grace is sufficient for me.
I am doing good, just trying to rest and heal. It will be sometime before I feel my whole self. I still have moments where I forget I had a heart attack, but I am quickly reminded of this fact by how little stamina I have. This becomes quite clear after I walk about a block and a half.
My heart was functioning at 40% when they rushed me into surgery, and they sent me home with my heart working at 80%.
I am not sure how long the recovery will take—I am told it is different for everyone. My heart was functioning at 40% when they rushed me into surgery, and they sent me home with my heart working at 80%. And on top of my heart condition, I am dealing with diabetes. My blood sugar shot up because of my heart attack, and I am told that more than likely it could go way once everything stabilizes. My blood sugar levels have been great since I have been home—hovering around 100 mg/dL. So who knows exactly how this will all play out, but I am confident that God has this under control and that Jesus' grace is sufficient for me.
Like I said in my post when I first told you about my heart attack... I Had A Heart Attack; I am still trying to wrap my head around all of this, but it is starting to set-in, my life is being altered forever. In my mind there are moments when I feel like things were like before I had my heart attack, but then it's time to take my medication or I walk a block and a half and become winded. It's at these breaths that I realize my life has become significantly reshaped.
Everything is still new and I am learning to excepted some of the new routines I need to undertake—it is hard to remember to take my evening medication. I snack and take naps like a preschooler—I actually got kicked out of preschool because I refused to participate in nap time, that's a story for another time. And I take walks after every meal, one of the things I do to get my blood sugar under control.
The other day my daughter posted a photo on Instagram. It was a photo capturing one of the best weeks we've had as a family—in fact it only happened a few weeks before my heart attack. We were given the opportunity to go camping up in Prineville Reservoir. It was such a fun week of relaxation and spending time together around a campfire, singing worship songs and talking about each other. Well the caption on her photo really struck me in the heart (pun intended).
Here is the photo with the caption reading, "glad this guy is still around.":
Yeah you can say I got a bit emotional after seeing this photo on Instagram. To be honest, I really had been avoiding thinking about this aspect of it. I haven't wanted to think about how serious this was and how close I came to death. But the reality is that I did and I am so thankful I get to celebrate life and have many more weeks with my family like we did a few weeks ago. All in all, I am doing great emotionally—just taking each moment as they come. I can't stop thinking about my wife and kids.
There was a moment I became angry at God—not because I think he's responsible for my heart attack, but because it came at an inconvenient time. I had so much to do for Him and for the cause of the kingdom. Seriously though there are somethings that needed my attention with regards to our church, and the heart attack did come at an inconvenient time. Stuff didn't get done and everything so far has turned out okay, and if it doesn't turnout okay it will still be okay...
I wish I had some huge spiritual enlightenment to add here, but I don't—at least not at this time. I am just learning more and more about my Abba in heaven—His unconditional love and unending grace. I am really learning that He really is a good, good Father.
Don't buy into the lie God only loves you when things are going well or you're living right. He loves you regardless. His grace is more than enough.
As you see in the photo above that is my son this past Sunday morning preaching for me. Since I am not up to preaching for a few weeks, he filled in for me. He did a great job, and I hope he continues to use this gift that the Holy Spirit has given him to use. I'm a proud dad, but his Abba in heaven is even more so!
I have now finished my first week after surgery.
Time is flying by, but also going very slowly—I hope that makes sense. I am just grateful to be here most days and taking in the deep breaths of each moment. I am truly grateful for all of you. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I will post another update soon.