(This post has not been edited for errors. These are my raw, honest thoughts.) Lately I have been thinking about the way I have been living life. I thought about my pursuit of possessions, my passion for my family, my plea for relationships, and my purpose for the kingdom. To be honest, I feel I am a jumbled mess in all these areas at times.
Many times I feel like I'm behind in my checking account, behind in my daily relationships with my family and friends, and stumbling to keep up with what the Holy Spirit is doing all around me. There are times I feel I am in constant crisis-mode. I am sure many of you know what I'm talking about. Living life in this way can be draining, border-line depressing, and unfulfilling.
As I was getting ready to dredge through another day, I found this quote from a book I have been reading...
"Life is not so much a problem to be solved as a mystery to be explored - Gabriel Marcel"
Now as I read this quote, and then re-read, and re-read it again; It struck me that my outlook on things, people, and situations has been askew. I am going about life all wrong, which I have a tendency to do every now and then. I'm the kid who searches the whole house looking for Christmas presents, because the lack of patience supersedes the fact that Christmas is eight months away, I'm the young teenage boy who stays up all night with anxious heartache to hear 'love of my life' loves me back, I'm the husband who nervously waits to hear if the 'love of my life' has a serious life-changing medical condition, who becomes sick because the thought of life without my helpmate is too much to bear. And I'm the disciple who impetuously tells my Master 'I'll go and die for you' only to scourer in a corner at the face of ridicule and opposition.
I find myself living in crisis-mode, struggling to keep up and anxiously wondering how I can find love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control in this life. Thankfully this is not the end of the story! Life was never intended to be lived this way. There is so much more to life than problems, crisis, and mishaps. Life was made to be lived and to it's fullest. Jesus said that he came so that we can have a real and eternal life, more and better life than we ever dreamed of. (John 10:10 MSG)
My 'modus operandi' shouldn't come from my 'what if's', my 'should've', and my 'blew that one' mindset. My mode of living should come from the fact that there is a God who created me, who loves me, and extends grace and forgiveness to me every moment of every day. Sometimes we are to focus on future moments, future situations, and future endeavors, but what we are all asked to do at all times is to walk each moment with Jesus and trust Him.
We are to have faith in Him and that He is in control and He is the one who marks out our year, our months, our weeks, our days, our moments. We are to seek and find love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control in this life, but it is gift to us from the Holy Spirit, so that we may live a life with few crisis-mode situations and to demonstrate God-characteristics to the people around us so that they may live the life Jesus intended - a real and eternal life.
Jesus doesn't ask us to live in crisis-mode. He invites us to walk by faith. (Luke 12:22-31)
*Quote found in Contemplative Pastor: Returning to the Art of Spiritual Direction, by Eugene H. Peterson.